Oh boy, today is NOT a good day. Husband is Not in a good mood. He has tests this afternoon. Tests that he didn't ask about and now suddenly does not want to do. I think a lot of it right now is not only stress, but Cigarettes . Ken quit smoking 13 days ago. Today is really pushing him hard. He has snapped at me a few times today. Once was really hard. I had to remember that he is Angry. He is not angry at me. He is angry at the cancer. He is angry at the Dr.'s, and the endless tests. He is angry, and there are no cigarettes to help calm him. I'm praying that God will help him relax, think clearly, and remember that I am not the enemy. The Dr.'s aren't either.
I will tell you that mine and the girls greatest fear is not the cancer.. but that he in all his anger will quit and do nothing for treatment. He says it a lot. I know he considers it but I'm not sure if he would really consider it. I know it's his decision. I know that maybe he needs time to think about it some more.
I don't know where this is coming from but it's something I am not going to think about now.. I'm hoping it's like when I do something I don't want to do. the whole time I'm saying I don't want to do this.. I think it's just a bad day. It's hitting him all at once. probably a punch to his stomach, and the words make it feel a little better.. I'm looking.. looking for the good thing today. Knowing I will find it.
UPDATE: The tests are done. They weren't fun, but Ken got through them. He's not feeling to great now. but was beaming from ear to ear when the receptionist told him the worst was over. Next week he goes back to make sure the tattoos he got are positioned correctly and then he will start the treatments after that.. We stopped at Arby's on the way home and got some lunch. On the way to Arby's Ken looked through the ash tray we keep in the Truck. He was looking for a butt to smoke. He said he had saved one in there for today.. LOL Planning ahead I guess.. He found one, but then decided it wasn't as good a butt as he thought it was. So he just threw it back in. GO KEN... Day 13 ... woot woot..
We got to Arby's and placed our order. It really is "Good Mood Food." LOL He is home, his tummy is full, and he is in a much happier mood. There were good things today. We both had to look for them. Funny how they came in some humor and smiles. It's all going to be OK. There may be a few rough days ahead, but I know where the Arby's is and we'll just get some of that "Good Mood Food".. Thank you God for the little things that make us happy..
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