I Can Trust Him....

Today was full of emotions and thoughts all spinning in my head. I'm trying to sort through all this. I don't know how to process what I know, and don't know about all this dementia stuff. 

I am very thankful for my friend Ann. Her husband was diagnosed with Alzheimers a couple of years ago. When I told her that I was being referred to a neurologist for symptoms of Early onset Dementia; she was great. she brought me a bag full of informational items about Dementia and Alzheimers. 

I put that bag away. I didn't want to read through any of it until I had the MRI and the EEG and results were available. I wanted to wait until Doc and I had gone over those test results and I'd had a chance to think about it and ask questions. 

One of the items she brought to me was a sheet containing the name of some books that were written by the Mayo Clinic. One that she suggested can be found  here. I purchased the Kindle version. I really feel better after reading the first 2 chapters. I have to remind myself that Doc said to return if my symptoms worsen. I can't assume they will get worse. I can make myself crazy thinking about what may happen. I have to stop myself and remember a couple of things. 

First.  I have to remember that God is Trust worthy. I've trusted Him with my Salvation. I've trusted Him to lead me through this life. I can trust Him with this too. I don't have to know or understand it all right now. I may never understand the why of this. 

I know that God can use this for good. I want Him to be Glorified in my life. I know that He can use this to teach me, to build my Faith, and to show me more of Himself. 

Today I felt torn and worn. I was again bombarded by fear, and the what ifs .. but God again reminded me that My times are in His hands. 

I need to go on with my life enjoying each day. living each moment. Waking each day taking God's hand and walking through whatever that day holds. If I had to do it alone. I know I couldn't but I don't have to do anything on my own. God is holding me. He's promised to be with me and never leave me. Yes, my God is trustworthy. 

God's Peace In My Storm....

I love that God cares about me even when I am afraid.. 

Our Bible study this morning was On Mark 4:35-41..  Jesus had finished teaching and had told disciples to get in the boat and go to the other side. Jesus grabbed a pillow and went to the back of the boat and fell asleep. All of a sudden a storm came up. It tossed the boat so violently that the disciples feared they would all die. They woke Jesus up asking Him if he cared that they were perishing... Jesus got up and spoke " Peace, be still".. the wind, the waves, the entire storm stopped and all was calm and still.  

 I only need to put my trust in Him and he will look at my storm and say "Peace Be Still"  or He'll speak gently to me and say " dear daughter, be at Peace, be still, I'm right here with you and I'll be with you as long as it takes for you to walk through this storm."  

I would always prefer that He would just calm the storm I'm going though. that is always my first thought.. Hey God, get me outta this, I'm scared and I can't do this. Please stop it NOW . 

Storms are loud, and scary, they can come up out of nowhere. Sometimes you can see them coming. You can go outside and see them in the distance. The sky is dark, foreboding, you can hear and feel the wind pick up. All of a sudden it's there. Those storms you can see, you can't stop. There is not one thing you can do to make it go away. 

I see that storm today in the distance. Thankfully It's not moving fast. I've been watching it for awhile. This storm is Early Onset Dementia. It's a scary one. I've seen the neurologist a couple of times. I've had the tests. I have many of the symptoms. Doc says it's to early to say for sure right now. I am very thankful for that.  We need to wait and see if my symptoms worsen. 

I see the storm, I've heard the details of some who tell of loved ones and friends who've had Alzheimer's and Dementia. They aren't pretty, to tell the truth some things I've heard others say this past week have been downright terrifying. I even had a mini meltdown at the doctor's office. Thankfully we both stopped it. There is no point in fearing what may never happen. 

I love how God planned this Bible study lesson today. He has been showing me verses in His word all week to remind me of His love, and Peace.. Those words, "Peace, be still" were spoken to me from the lips of the Holy Spirit. They were burned into my mind and my heart today. Jesus isn't sleeping. This has not taken God by surprise. 

Today I'm trusting Jesus. I pray that these glitches in my memory do not progress. I'm praying that if they do, they won't be severe. I'm praying that I'll be that sweet little lady who lives down the street who says the funniest things ever. I pray that I will, without a doubt, know that Jesus loves me. I pray that my faith will never waver, but that it will continue to grow stronger. I am a daughter of the King. I am an over-comer by the Blood of Christ. I trust God with everything. I am at Peace.