I Need A Time Machine....

Well August has run past me at break-neck speed. As I look at the Calendar it's already the last full week of Sept. I really wish I could have a time machine. I don't want to go way back. I just want to go back a little. 

  Maybe back on occasion to the late 70's to see my Papa and brother Keith. I'd love to hug them both for hours and spend the day eating, talking and laughing with them. I'd love to see grandma again and other friends and family that passed on to soon. 

I'd want to go back to re-live a few favorite memories; like graduation and all the fun things of my Senior year in H.S. I'd love to relive visits with cousins, Aunts and Uncles. 

I don't necessarily want to change anything. Just time to spend that day and commit more to memory. My long term memory seems to do a little better at remembering. I need hints and clues, but once it finds the right file drawer I surprise myself at how much I can draw out of that particular memory folder. 

Right now, today, I'd like to travel back to June. I'd like each day to last longer. Each event to go on for a few days instead of a few hours. I really wish days didn't pass by so quickly. Well the bad ones could just skip past me without any complaints from me. 

I have noticed this summer I am losing more words. It's frustrating reaching for them. Looking for the word file folder and someones moved it. It use to happen only occasionally. Now it's pretty much every day. 

Reading is still fine. If you ask me today what I read in the book I've started re-reading 3 times, I might be able to tell you about a character or two. but if I can't read the whole thing at one time I'm not going to remember much. Unless I can read each day a bit of what I read before, I don't remember any of it. That is very frustrating.  I am doing a ladies Bible study at Church. I'm trying to make notes as I go. Sometimes I understand the questions other times I struggle. I've decided to just put the material down when I can't make heads of tails of it. I can always read it again later and maybe it will be clearer. Making notes helps. 

I guess the real reason I'd like that time machine is so I could concentrate on memorizing everything. Before things started slipping off into the fog of forgetfulness. Mild Cognitive Impairment. For now that's what we are calling it. It won't be early onset dementia unless it gets worse. 

Some days I don't think about it at all. Nothing is interrupted in my day by lost thoughts. Other days I feel like it's all slipping away. Not quickly like a magician yanking a tablecloth out from under a table full of china. But slowly. It's scary. I don't like it. I'd love to wake up one day feeling like my old self. ready to face the day with no fear of forgetting words in the middle of a conversation, or forgetting what someone just said to me. Forgetting that the water in the tub is still running, Or the water on the stove is boiling. If I leave it, there's a good chance I'll forget about it. 

Yep, I'd like a time machine. Since I don't think they'll have one available for my use anytime soon. I'm going to keep praying that my symptoms don't progress. I'm going to continue to walk with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I'm going to trust God's plans for me, and I'm going to trust that no matter what comes tomorrow Jesus and I will walk through it together. He reminded me that My Father In Heaven has promised never to leave me or forsake me. He never breaks His promises. I may come to a place where I won't remember Him, But I know He'll never forget me. 

Update: June-2016... Since October of last year my memory issues seem to be few and far between. I still lose words (don't we all) and sometimes I have to ask people to repeat things. I stopped stressing about it. I stopped focusing on it. I stopped letting the anxiety of it rule my life. If I don't remember I just go on. I have left all this memory stuff and my fear, the kind of fear that freezes and envelopes you, with God. I believe He is the reason I'm doing better. I have a real peace about it all. 

None of us knows what the future holds for us. I certainly don't know, but like others have said. I know who holds the future. The God of the Bible. The God who created me, loves me, and walks through life with me. And it is True I may forget who He is, But He'll never forget me.  

Discovering A Truth in an "Odd Thomas" Book....

I'm not a huge Dean Koontz fan. Don't get me wrong, I've read several of his books. My favorites are the "Odd Thomas" books. I am an avid Stephen King fan. I love all his books. I love the character development, and the way the things he writes about really could happen. There really could be a dog named Cujo that is Rabid. Any of us could get out on a secluded road with miles between farms. Any of us could be attacked by said rabid dog, especially a St. Bernard that weighs well over 100 lbs. Really it could happen. I think that's what draws me to King. The very real possibility that one day some crazed maniac could hack into cell phones and kill everyone on their phones, or make them zombie like to do the evil guys bidding. Something evil could really live in the fog, and that clown in "It", well let's not go there. 

I am in the middle of the Dean Koontz "Odd Thomas" series (Odd Hours) . I Love Oddy. He's a wonder and very philosophical man. I read the following one afternoon. Odd and Birdie were discussing the death of her husband. She mentions "many tears, they seem to wash somethin' out of you, they leave this emptiness". Odd answers, and then decides to "fumble out what I thought she might want to say herself"..  

I read and re-read the next paragraph. I finally got out the green highlighter pen and marked it. I don't think I've ever heard anyone explain grief in quite this way. It was something I felt but just couldn't express in words. I haven't experienced the death of a spouse, but I have lost grandparents, parents, siblings, and friends. I'm quite sure this is exactly how losing a life mate, a soul mate might feel. Thank you Mr. Koontz for finding a way to take deep unexplainable feelings and put them on a page to be digested. You have moved up a notch on my favorite writers stick. To be honest you are now #2, which would be super cool except for the fact that there are only 2 writers on my stick. (I don't count the Bible since the Author is God and His writings are far above any that man could pen) I  have read a lot for years, but couldn't tell you the name of any writer. You can find more of Dean Koontz's work Here. 

" Grief can destroy you - or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. Or you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it. But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to see it wasn't just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill. It was everything., it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it. The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by the gratitude for what preceded the loss. And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life." 

~Dean Koontz Odd Hours 2008~

Thank you Mr. Koontz for using your talent with words to speak what I feel in my heart.. 

I Love Vacation Bible School ....

I love Vacation Bible School... I love that we make it the most exciting event of the summer. I have a special place in my heart for VBS. A neighbor asked if our Sue could attend VBS with her daughter. Long story short, I started attending Church and realized I needed Christ as my Savior. I believed and became a follower of Christ.  

I've been helping with Snack the past few years. Each Bible school has a theme so we try to make the snacks relate a bit to the theme. If not we think of cool names for them like "Wild jungle Chicken" nuggets and "Fresh caught" fish sticks..  LOL   There are tons of ideas on Pintrest too. 

One of the ideas was to make "Jungle Popcorn".. I make a chocolate covered popcorn so I just added some dark chocolate stripes and voila jungle popcorn..  

Here's the recipe... I'm also going to add a few photos of other snacks we made. The kids love it.. A few of the adults snuck down to sample our tasty treats..  

Chocolate Popcorn 

1- 12oz bag of white chocolate chips or 12oz white candy coating aka: almond bark
2- bags of butter microwave popcorn.. * extra butter is yummy too
Optional add in : Nuts, mini twist pretzels, plain M&M's... 
     Make the popcorn according to directions, remove all the unpopped hulls, 
   Pour this into a large bowl.. add in the pretzels, nuts etc.. if you are adding something.. 
btw this is great without any of this stuff.
    Melt the chips or candy coating in a glass dish in the microwave. 40 seconds, stir, then 10 seconds at a time until melted. 
    When melted pour immediately over the popcorn mixture
     Stir until all is well coated. 
    pour onto wax paper covered cookie sheets. *prep these ahead
     Spread out into a single layer and cool. break apart any large chunks. Store in an airtight container.  

We made these cute butterflies and the palm trees. We are a nut-free building so we left out the peanutbutter spread on the graham cracker palm trees. 

   

In Times Of Great Tragedy There Is A Difference....

In the Streets of Charleston there is a difference.. 

I don't see rioting though I know there could have been. 

I didn't see speeches full of hate. I was waiting for those to start.

I did see people... God's People.. Not just people who know there is a God, but People who have a deep relationship and Faith in God. People who because of their Faith in Christ showed the difference. 

People who are so deeply wounded, deeply grieving, and in pain that few of us can fathom.. these people stood at the arraignment hearing for the one who shot and killed 9 people who loved the Lord.. 9 people Who showed only kindness to the young gunman and welcomed him into their midst with love of Jesus Christ. 

The families of the victims stood at that hearing. 

They didn't spew hate. 

They stood in the midst of their pain with Forgiveness. 

They gave that forgiveness freely. 

They gave it through tears, pain, and grief. 

The difference in this horrible tragic time. 

God

God's people refusing to let the enemy Satan win a victory by seeking hate filled revenge. 

God's people praying, 

God's people standing for Love and unity. 

God's people who see no color, who see all people as created and loved by God.   

There is a Difference 

My First Debate Tournament...

This past weekend I was able to attend my first debate tournament. As it was my first, it was also Matt's last. It was a bitter sweet weekend. 

I had no idea that these debate days were 14 hours long. The first day I barely noticed. I was so interested in the debaters and the differences in the way each team approached their topic along with the position of affirmative and negative. 

                        

                          Matt and his brother/aka: teammate Mike

It was so much fun to watch this pair give their side of the topic to the judges. They were both very knowledgeable about their topic and held their position well. 

"King of Debate" 

The last day of the tournament we headed out to lunch at the local Burger King. Matt found a crown and proclaimed himself King. 

One of my favorite parts of that day was the final debate between the 2 top teams. I have no idea how those judges (7) could decide the winning team, but they did. I wouldn't mind attending one of these debates tournaments again. I wouldn't want to spend the day, but would love to watch a debate or two to see who might crown themselves "King of Debate"...   

The View From My Kitchen Window....

The view from my kitchen window is limited. If you are brave you can look a little closer and see the house on the other side of the truck. Actually on the other side of the truck is an old trailer that is loaded with old mowers and assorted other mowery type stuff. Well the last time we looked anyway. Then the other side of the trailer is the house. I use to be able to see the road if I tilted my head and eyes just right.. Then the owners decided to add on so now I just see the truck, trailer, (there was a huge tree, but it's gone now) and the tan siding. Needless to say I try to find something interesting to look at. 

today while I was doing dishes I noticed 2 male robins. It's rainy, gray, and cool here today. As I watched those two I had to laugh. One was walking a bit closer to the house with some tasty morsel in it's beak. The other robin was a bit behind him and over a bit more toward the truck. He was grabbing stuff that looked like it could be a worm, but to his disgust was just long dead weeds and grass. 

They both kept a close eye on each other never getting to close. I don't think either one was pleased that the other one was there. I'm not sure if the one really had a tasty morsel or had just grabbed some bit of grass for a nest. They were each doing the "ya, I'm bad, you better watch yourself" strutty walk. 

I'm not really sure if the one was trying to get a bigger tasty item. I started wondering if they were vying for some cute girl robin's attention. I think nest materials and how the nest is constructed is something a girl should always consider. She would obviously want someone with the right skills. 

It's funny to watch them and almost see them thinking. I bet if they are still looking for just the right girl to birth some babies, they would really watch what the other guy was up to. 

I'm curious to see where the nests are made this year and who wins the heart of the girl. I've noticed several girl robins in the yard worm hunting. I'm glad there are a few for them to choose from. 

I love that the "wildlife" hang out around the kitchen window. I definitely love the entertainment..  hope you are having a great and entertaining day..  

Brucie , An Adventure In Love....

Brucie Sept. 2009

This is our Brucie, well not just our Brucie, she also belongs to several others. She lives in a rural area of West Ky. She is one of the smartest dogs I've ever known. She is loyal, loving, protective, and playful. She is also very Leary of people, terrified of being shut inside anything, truck bed, barn, out building, or house. She has lived through much, most of which we don't know about for sure, but her life, until the last 6 years, was never easy or loving. 

We met Brucie in march of 2009. She had followed one of her humans walking to visit a friend. Their trip brought them by our place. He stopped to chat with husband. I did the typical "hey is your dog nice?" and after hearing yes, I ran and got her a bowl of water and a bowl of food. I could see every bone in her body, every bone in her head. She was so weak she laid down almost the moment she came into our yard. She inhaled the bowl of food. I got her another. She inhaled that one. We told her human she could rest there with us until he was heading back home. She stayed. She was to tired to walk on with him. 

Brucie started to come to visit us daily for a big bowl of food, water, and a talk. She was Leary of us getting close enough to touch her. She finally let us pet her and realized we would never hurt her. She finally just stayed with us. She was so sweet and so good. Even though she was starving, she never tried to take food from us. She always waited for us to give it to her. I was Leary of the kids when they came to visit, afraid she might take their food away since they were eye to eye.. Nope.. she wanted it but never took it unless it was given. Even then she took it carefully. 

the first photo above was from Sept. She had started gaining weight. We had traveled to her home, about 2 miles away from us. We talked to her humans who really didn't have the money to feed her, so it was her job to find her own food and water. One day we saw her flat chase down and Squirrel and eat it. I asked if they knew how old she was. At that time she was 10. They said someone had dropped her there and she just stayed. I asked if they would let me buy her food. I really didn't want to offend them. I'm so glad they let us do that. That year we made 4 trips to Ky. each time she looked a little skinny, but we'd fatten her up again. She would stay with us as soon as she knew we were home. 

When she stayed with us, she would lay in front of the door. At night when Ken would go out to the outhouse she would do a perimeter check. She ran off any wandering dogs, deer, coyotes, anything. She would then walk with him everywhere. We did try to put her in the barn one time while the kids were hunting Easter eggs, She was terrified.. I believe she was left in a building. She wouldn't let anyone put her in that barn. She didn't growl or snap at us, she just pushed her way out. That was when we realized she wouldn't harm anyone even the little kids.. She followed them around looking for eggs. when they were finished, she ate the ones they gave her with the shells still on. 

Fall came and I knew she would have no regular source of food when we left. Her humans were not concerned as she could eat the deer carcasses that would be left by the hunters, catch rabbits, etc. I was mortified. When we got back home to Michigan I called the local shelter wondering if there was anyone who could go out and feed her if I sent money for food. The person I spoke with, Toyia, said she would be happy to do it. 

So our 6 year journey of feeding and loving our Brucie began. I wished a million times that we could have put her in the back of the truck and took her back to Michigan with us. She was terrified of the truck. Her human put her in back one time so we could take him home. she threw herself back and forth in the topper trying to get out. So taking her to a vet, for a ride, or home was not an option. 

Toyia went every two weeks to leave food for Brucie and another little inside dog. The humans just were not able to care for them. As time went by Toyia asked a couple, Mike and Judy, to check on Brucie too. They knew her as they had tried on several occasions to get her to follow their horses home to their house. She wouldn't leave the only home she'd ever known. The trio had gotten a couple of auto feeders. They brought special treats of hot dogs, milkbones, blankets for a bed, a dog house, straw, and fresh water in clean buckets. She'd never had it so good. 

It's been 6 yrs. Brucie's humans had to move, the house was falling in and they were in poor health. It was the best thing for them. They left Brucie. Before you get to sad, Brucie has never known another home. She knows she has food and water. She can run and play, and she has visitors. She really never had a lot of human contact until now. A neighbor keeps her area bush hogged. Another neighbor drops by on her way home from work and leaves her a bowl of canned food. Other's stop and check her feeders and water buckets. She is given special treats. Her favorites these days are turkey jerky treats. Her teeth are just about worn away, but she still loves to chew on bones. 

She is well loved. For 6 yrs. strangers have banded together to see that her remaining years are the best ones. As you can see from the photos she is fat and sassy. She is perfectly content where she lives.

She was even a pin-up girl this year. She has her photo in the 2015 Fundraising Calendar for the " Mary Hall Ruddiman Canine Shelter"  a no kill shelter in the area. 

 We realize that she will be 16 this year. I know one day I will get the call that she has gone on ahead. I dread that day, but for now I will remember that happy girl running to meet Toyia as she honks for her. We've gotten to see her and tell her how much we love her. I think she knows. She seems to remember us, even though there were a couple of years we didn't get to Ky. to see her. 

I know this "Love" adventure with our girl Brucie may seem odd to some, but I really can't imagine not having had the chance to love such a wonderful girl. I am so thankful for Toyia and Bennett who took on this adventure. I also want to thank Mike and Judy for taking our girl on too.. I want to thank the neighbors who keep an eye out for her too. It's amazing how this old dog, has inspired such love and devotion. 

Thank you Brucie for letting us love you. In our hearts we all know that if any of us could have we would have taken you home with us. I hope you will come and visit us often in Heaven. We'll keep a blanket on the porch for you.. 

Thank you Toyia for all the great photos you've taken over the years for us...